Some humour

7 09 2010

You may not know it, but I have been very busy over the last couple of years
putting my thoughts and ideas together into a book. I am very proud of the results
and in order to market the publication I am asking friends and family to assist.

The book is on golf… I believe it gives the reader valuable playing tips and insider information
that I have gained through my years of experience. The book is only £49.95 and can be
ordered by simply replying to this email with the appropriate credit card info.

Highlights include

Chapter 1 – How to Properly Line Up Your Fourth Putt
Chapter 2 – How to Hit a Maxfli from the Rough When You Hit a Titleist from the Tee
Chapter 3 – How to Avoid the Water When You Lie 8 in a Bunker (also see Chapter 8)
Chapter 4 – How to Get More Distance off the Shank
Chapter 5 – When to Give the Ranger the Finger
Chapter 6 – Using Your Shadow on the Greens to Maximize Earnings
Chapter 7 – When to Implement Handicap Management
Chapter 8 – Proper Excuses for Drinking Beer Before 9:00 a.m.
Chapter 9 – How to Find That Ball That Everyone Else Saw Go in the Water
Chapter 10- How to Relax When You Are Hitting Three off the Tee
Chapter 11- When to Suggest Major Swing Corrections to Your Opponent
Chapter 12- When to Re-grip Your Ball Retriever

Also includes the latest GOLF terms

A Paris Hilton – an expensive hole
A Diego Maradonna – a very nasty 5 footer
A Salman Rushdie – an impossible read
A Rio Ferdinand – Lipped out
A Rock Hudson – thought it was straight, but it wasn’t
A Cuban – needs one more revolution
An Adolf Hitler – two shots in the bunker
A Yasser Arafat – ugly and in the sand
A Kate Winslett – a bit fat but otherwise perfect
A Kate Moss – bit thin
A Gerry Adams – playing a Provisional
A Rodney King – over-clubbed
An O. J. Simpson – got away with it
A Princess Grace – should have taken a driver
A Princess Di – shouldn’t have taken a driver
A Ladyboy – looks like an easy hole but all is not what it seems
An elephant’s arse – high and shitty
A condom – safe but didn’t feel real good
A circus tent – a BIG top
An Anna Kournikova – looks great, but unlikely to get a result
A Vinnie Jones – nasty kick when you’re not expecting it
A Jetstar – flies well but lands a long way from the target
A sister-in-law – up there but I know that I shouldn’t be

Daily Thoughts

“The best wood in most amateurs’ golf bags is the pencil.”
~Chi Chi Rodriguez
“If you think it’s hard to meet new people, try picking up the wrong golf ball.”
~Jack Lemmon
“Tee your ball high…air offers less resistance than dirt.”
~Jack Nicklaus
“He who has the fastest golf cart never has a bad lie.”
~Mickey Mantle

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